Leona Lewis-I Will Be w/lyrics

i miSS my eldeSt sOn by nOw ~
yeSterdaY he caLLEd mE and tOld me that hiS reputatiON on the mid-year term exam was gOing dOwn belOw.he even gOt B in hiS favOuritE subject mathematics ! tOld him it waS Okay but, he need to put mOre effOrt tO overcOme thiS situatiOn in the futurE.And i m surE he can !!

A mother-eldeSt son relationship can sometimes exact a heavy price.aS fOr me, i nEvEr can stOp thinking abOut my ELdESt.evEn at hOme i havE anOthEr 3 to lOOk after,i stiLL give the very high priOrity to hiS needs.eveN he staYs far awaY frOm hOMe,with the friEndS, i stILL gO n visit him wheneVEr i hEv time, juSt tO makE surE he is in a verY beSt cOnditiOn.

iT haS nurtured naturaLLy in the earLy lifE when he waS bOrn, whEn i tranSfOrmed frOm a wifE tO a mother.sOmetimeS i m feEling likE it s an unfair thing to hiS siblingS.

i havE sO much paSSion in everything he dOne ! i ll be the greateSt suPPOrter, i made friend with aLL Of hiS frenS when he was in primary schOOl,i knOw evry mOther whOm their sOns were at the samE claSS with him, senT him tuitiOn, and back hOme i dOne all the check out on hiS homework mysElF. i waS sO paSSiOnatE !! and aLL my effort paid when he scOreS A s and accepted in as a student in One of the bOarding schOOL.

but yEt when he S gOne for study and nOt fuLLy at hOme anymOre, i never thOt that i wOuld feEling empty.even i hev my anOther 3 to be taken care Of.my passiOn of what i had when i was with IsyraF gOne tOgether with him aS he lEft the hOusE.what kinda fEEling of a mOther I hev nOw, when the clOsest frEn she had left her fOr gOOd.

i miSS ISyraf !! the firSt few monthS i cried a lOt befOre i went tO bed as my mind was aLL ovEr him.eveN my schedulE were sO titE with claSSeS and sending the siblings fOr tuition, guitar claSS, pianO, tenniS, swImmIng and drawing clasSEs..i never fOrget him.

if he never caLL me within 3 dayS , i wiLL started wOndering what haPPen, whether he S dOIn okay nOt and aLL the thingS that matter and related tO him wilL cOme tO my mind.i juS lOve him sO much.
am feEling the ritE thing..??
am I dOing gOOd on my work as a mOther tO aLL my kidS..???
am yet trying to fine tuning mysElf of taking thingS fairly amOng them aLL.
wana be the bESt mOm they ever had as long as i stILL alive and strOng~ yOOOsHHHH !!

fB....withOut~

it S a new day Of anOther chaptEr Of me and family and withOut my fB frEnziE.thiS mOrn , Out Of nOwhere i wOke uP early at 430am and switched On my laPtOP and typed the fB hOmepage so that i could log in, but sadly realised that i ve oredY deactivated it few days agO.

LaSt niTE.
i feLt sO dOwn and saD whenever , huBBY camE bacK and tOLd me abOut hiS fB frEns and the triP they are organising tO a place tOgether.he waS anxious and i was jus cOld.........listEned tO him .dEEp dOwn in my hearT, i neveR have any OPpOrtunity tO teLL him the truth hOw i treasUrE my fB frens tOO, that I dO have the smilES and laughtErs with thEm, i OlsO hev a lOt Of planS with my Own friendS...juS exactly like the way he dOes !i dO hev iT aLL..........:(

yeS, withOut the fB i cOuld be mOre fOcuS on my roUtinE as a mOther and a hOmemaker,
but i m fEElin' lOnely.i m fEELin' like being dumPed in a tOnnes of thrash in a deserTed iSland.my frEns and aLL the laughtEr i ve GOt frOm them wErE gOne, thE Only thingS that stayS are the knOwledgE and educatiOnS i gained within the periOd.thanK yOu tO my fB frEns for rOcking my wOrld ! eveN thO it was juS a whilE.

i StILL remembEr laSt tIME , i thOught i wOulD be thEre tiLL thE End Of my lifE , and they wilL be with mE tHrOugh thE SAD and haPPY timeS ~ but yet am juSt alOne..
i miSS facebOOking !! and the overwhelmed feelin' i vE gOt each time i ve dOne thingS.things which i felT stupid, siLLy Or unimpOrtant, but tO my certain frEns they wiLL stILL respOnd me , with advicE and laughters.

shOuld i juS activatE my facebOOK again...
yeT i m stILL lOOking for an answeR. yOOOShhhh !!!

Sad........

big changes in our life is more or less a second chance.but to me, yes it has has changed, but i m still the same.i hardly can describe what have i gone through for the couples day before.had a big fight with my younger brother and he said sarcastics words which i never thought would have came out from him.
i felt devastated and my dreams shattered again.
things that came across my mind is why that i never learn how to limit myself from being so nice and and faithfully hope that the person i love so much would have the same feeling as me!
i blame myself for being so dumb.
i m going kl very soon on the weekend but yet i m figuring out one good reason of not to do so.never want to meet him and see his face anymore.
even i know it s a very very hard task to do.
oh i m feeling so sad.
i hardly can sleep cos my head keep spinning and cracking.
he s an evil...
and i m so sad..
i am his elder sister..gheeeee
sad!!

hey jus came bck frm phuket...again.

the holiday was ..hmm..ok.loved to c the big waves hit the beach.captured all the momentos but the photo seem not so xciting as it was in real.well ..experience tell all.

here r some pics...kids..n me.and also the signage abt tsunami.makin' me think abt on how the disaster ruin all in here few years ago.now the thais still get going with life.mat salehs are everywhere as well as pak arab.thais sell souvenires and the price r all 100% much mo expensive.the straTegy was jus to let the price quoted.then let us..the tourists bargain.well..i never want to lose..bargain it all til they said im crazy...hahaha...but i admire them.so tricky when it comes to money.

each time the waves hit the beach..

i was jus sitting nearby,looking to the open andaman sea.while my kids enjoying themselves with the water and sand.at times i felt horrified,by imagining on how was the day like when tsunami strikes phuket.the scenario must b same like it was when i was there.jus a wink it came and destroy all.

guess i better not to look back anymo.the waves that keep coming touched my bald feet was like a lil' baby.it was so nice n beautiful.bottom of my heart ..may there will b no tsunami again in phuket.amin

hey tday is so funky sad../
i ve rceived a bad sms.told me to go to hell...sort of.
this is an internal disease among malay ppl.they cant c others happy.cant c the same race going up n advance..all they know is jus to make sure nobody can go more futher.im sick of this all.my heart want to fight back so much..but my head said better not to deal with this stupid ppl.n i guess am not crazy yet.hope that i can forget this all asap.

Hey today is so fun...

i had late class started at 6pm.n i did informed evrybody that i ll b on leave on this 4,5n 6 of june.mean there wil b no class at all.i wil b missing my students...n i knw ,perhaps they will miss me too..hehe

wil b going to phuket on the day.

hope that this time i ll get myself indulge in the hotel i ve booked.i wanna put on my new bikini on n get my skin tan n tanner by the sun.hope this time it wont spoil my hair like it was last time.